She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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