do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
