my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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