Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
