You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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