shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
