just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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