we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
