I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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