My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
