Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Are we still banned from the library?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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