What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
