Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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