she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
