I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize