I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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