why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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