We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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