maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
