Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
