Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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