i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
