he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
