What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
