I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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