i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
