She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
