I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
