His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I could fuck to npr.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
