the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
