Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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