A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
