so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
