wanna go halves on a baby?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
