Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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