maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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