Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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