Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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