All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize