I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
