Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
