If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
