he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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