Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
