Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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