i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
