maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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