People with herpes should wear stickers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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