There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
