Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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