help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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