Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
