What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
