Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
