new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
