she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
