You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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