before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
