we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
