you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize