$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize