is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
