I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
