I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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