don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
