I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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