We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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