You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
