Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
