im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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