why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize