he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
